Tools...

I'm not quite sure why I picked out this shirt today. I like the font though. The saying is quite cliche yet funny...which you don't find too often.

So, today I will rant about tools. No! Not hammers and saws! But tools...you know? Assholes! By the way, the next few sentences will probably be littered with curse words, and yes I have a backspace, but I don't like reaching my pinky that far...So, you've been warned!

I hate tools! They are pretentious fucks who think the world revolves them! I deal with tools everyday at work. Unfortunately on multiple occasions and I happen to work for one as well. I pride myself on being able to pick up on the tool vibe early on in customer interactions and can usually steer a conversation in a direction to where they don't piss me off enough to go ape shit on them.. Today was not one of those days.

I had to deal with a customer who needed a warranty replacement on a device. We do not carry his particular device so we replaced it with a comparable model. However, the model is cheaper than what he paid for his device. So, instead of accepting the replacement with the same features, by the same manufacturer he pitches a bitch about how he paid $300 and the replacement only costs $200. And his is a touch screen (which constantly breaks down) and this model isn't! That is not comparable. Blah blah blah. To which I say, fine. I mean, I work with electronics. We all know that electronics hold their value so well. So I get a manager on the phone and of course he wants me to bend over backwards for this tool and do whatever it takes to get him out.

So I offer him an upgrade at no cost. The tool looks at the phone, clearly decides he doesn't like it, then says "That's not comparable too". To which I reply, "No, that's not comparable, that's an upgrade. Comparable was unacceptable to you. Now I'm allowing you to upgrade at no cost. You can take the upgrade, or we can give you the comparable unit." Well, you would have thought I called his mother a...well, due to my pinky not willing to reach the backspace I'll censor myself. But the word begins with "c" and ends in "unt". Now the tool is proclaiming that I'm being disrespectful and that he's been a customer for x number of years. To which I said, "I'll get my manager." He didn't even ask for a manager! I had to pull myself out of the game!

So, the manager gets done sucking the dude's...well...I'll have to censor myself again. But the word begins with "c" and ends in "ock". The dude leaves with the best, most expensive, device in the store. And now I've got heartburn. Thanks tool!